Friends With Benefits

Somebody once asked me if I had any friends with benefits.  I said, "I have lots of friends with benefits.  They all have good jobs that give them medical, dental, and vision insurance coverage."  Then they said that's not what they meant.  Apparently, I had completely misunderstood the whole meaning of the phrase "friends with benefits."  So I knew what I had to do.  I had to start sleeping with all of them.  That wasn't as great as I thought it would be.  A very small number of them were even hot.  And then with so many, it was hard to coordinate schedules.  Then there was my friend Gary.  He's, like, 67.  That was so not a turn on for me.  I was so happy when he retired.  But then he started collecting social security and I was like, "Dammit!"  So I just told him we couldn't be friends anymore.

We Have A Winner!

And we have a winner!  I asked everyone to send in a picture of themselves reading their copy of "Apparition."  The photo contest winner would receive a free copy of the entire trilogy when it is released later this year.  And the winner is ... Meribeth Freeman of Thousand Oaks, California!

Congratulations, Maribeth!  Of all the photos submitted, yours was ... the only one.  Sigh.  But, hey, it made choosing a winner really easy, so thanks!  When the trilogy is ready to be released, you will receive free copies of all three books.

I Have A Dream

I think Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have A Dream" speech is one of the most inspirational, celebrational, muppetational speeches of all time.  It speaks to a Universal truth about all men (and women, calm down) being created equal and a world where people are "not judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."  It's a noble aspiration.  And one I wholeheartedly agree with.  Still, there is a fundamental problem to this speech -- it's title.  It is commonly known as the "I Have A Dream" speech.  When, really, I think it should be known as the "I Have A Really Great Idea" speech.  Because, let's face it, no one dreams like this.

Based on the title of the speech, I would think it would be more likely, to go like this ...  "I have a dream ... that I am being chased by a giant spider and I can't get away because the tires on my Big Wheel won't move.  I have a dream ... that I'm falling from the sky and Lena Horne won't give me the frying pans.  I have a dream ... that I'm the same age I am now but for some reason I'm back in school and there's a test I didn't know about and I'm sitting at my desk in my underwear and everyone is staring at me because the phone that I have instead of a right hand won't stop ringing.  I have a dream ... that I really have to pee and there's no place to go so I try going in my clothes hamper but I still really have to pee.  I have a dream ... that I'm driving in a car from the back seat with my feet and it's out of control and I'm headed right towards a rock wall and just before I crash ... I wake up!  And that's when I have this really great idea -- that we  all should live in a world where people are not judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

When I got out of bed to write this idea down, my bedroom floor turned to water and I fell in and found myself being chased by sharks with Mila Kunis heads.  So maybe it really is a dream after all.  Shame.

Why is my laundry wet?

I Take That Back

Okay, so a lot of you are probably really excited about my announcement last month of the roll out of new chapters in a new book called "Aftershocks."  Maybe not a lot of you.  I mean, right now only three people follow this blog.  But if only one of you was excited, that may not seem like a lot, but if you think about it, that means that one-third of my blog followers are excited about the news.  And that just spins better in a press release.  Yeah, like I'm going to have a press release.  I did post this announcement to Facebook and I know I have quite a few "likes" there, but hopefully this won't make you "unlike" me.  Or "dislike" me.  Whatever.  And, hey, if you don't "like" me on Facebook, please do!  And follow me on Twitter.  I don't ramble nearly as much.

Anyway, in my extremely well-produced video announcement, I said that I would be releasing new chapters of my next book, "Aftershocks," beginning in January.  Well, that's not gonna happen.  One, because I'm still working on finishing the "Apparition" trilogy and I can't devote as much time to it as I'd like.  Two, because there's a movie coming out with the same name and same basic premise.  I'd hate for them to think I'm ripping them off.  Granted, I would have done it better, but they did it first.

So, I will be releasing new chapters of an even different book, tentatively called "Lockdown."  Those chapters won't be coming until later this year when I have the "Apparition" trilogy pretty much in the can.

It'll be worth the wait.  Trust me.  Have I ever lead you on before?  Don't answer that.

Four - Yes FOUR - Announcements!

Big things are in store for 2013.  The release of the entire "Apparition" trilogy, contests, book giveaways, new stories, and more!  So excited, I can barely sleep.  Although I think that probably has more to do with the 5 Hour Energy I just drank.

Judging My Book By Its Cover

I'm thinking about changing up my book cover before the release of the second book in the series.  The video explains my reasons why.  What do you think?  Vote in the poll and let me know!  Have suggestions?  Leave a comment!

Reading is Fundamental

Something personal today.  It's my daughter's 13th birthday.  Even though she's a teenager, she will always be my little girl.  Below is one of my favorite memories of reading to her when she was little.  We would read up to three books a night before bed.  Granted, they were short books, but still.  She loved to read.  She still does.  She's an avid reader.  And I like to think I'm a big part of that.  Well, me and Kermit ... 

Happy Birthday, Pookie.  Your daddy loves you!