Thursday, January 5, 2012

My Starbucks Name

So Starbucks always asks for your name when you give your order.  I don't know why the name "Dylan" is so difficult.  But they never seem to get it right.  More often than not, they spell it wrong.  And when they do spell it right, they pronounce it wrong.  For a while, I was giving a fake name.  Something simple like "David" or "Chris."  Invariably there would be another David or Chris and then we'd have to figure out whose drink it was.  Some of the workers at Starbucks (I refuse to call them "baristas." Here's why) get all huffy when they have to take the time to say the customer's name and the name of the drink.  Apparently, that wastes precious seconds.  Others just seem to relish Starbucks-speak and, while it does help make things clearer, it's kind of annoying to hear them rattle off their lengthy coffee monikers.  

So using my own name is problematic, as is using a more pedestrian name.  Or, since I'm speaking Starbucks here, a name that's more "vanilla."  That's why, now, whenever they ask for my name, I just say, "The handsomest guy in the room."  That way, when my order is ready ... well, you get the idea.  Sometimes I'll look to see who's calling out the orders.  If it's a hot girl, then I'll give my name as "The best sex I ever had."  They usually refuse to do it.  So I give them an alternative.  "Free coffee for everyone."  That tends to make them more agreeable to the "best sex" name.

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