Monday, January 21, 2013

I Have A Dream

I think Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have A Dream" speech is one of the most inspirational, celebrational, muppetational speeches of all time.  It speaks to a Universal truth about all men (and women, calm down) being created equal and a world where people are "not judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."  It's a noble aspiration.  And one I wholeheartedly agree with.  Still, there is a fundamental problem to this speech -- it's title.  It is commonly known as the "I Have A Dream" speech.  When, really, I think it should be known as the "I Have A Really Great Idea" speech.  Because, let's face it, no one dreams like this.

Based on the title of the speech, I would think it would be more likely, to go like this ...  "I have a dream ... that I am being chased by a giant spider and I can't get away because the tires on my Big Wheel won't move.  I have a dream ... that I'm falling from the sky and Lena Horne won't give me the frying pans.  I have a dream ... that I'm the same age I am now but for some reason I'm back in school and there's a test I didn't know about and I'm sitting at my desk in my underwear and everyone is staring at me because the phone that I have instead of a right hand won't stop ringing.  I have a dream ... that I really have to pee and there's no place to go so I try going in my clothes hamper but I still really have to pee.  I have a dream ... that I'm driving in a car from the back seat with my feet and it's out of control and I'm headed right towards a rock wall and just before I crash ... I wake up!  And that's when I have this really great idea -- that we  all should live in a world where people are not judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

When I got out of bed to write this idea down, my bedroom floor turned to water and I fell in and found myself being chased by sharks with Mila Kunis heads.  So maybe it really is a dream after all.  Shame.

Why is my laundry wet?

Monday, January 7, 2013

I Take That Back

Okay, so a lot of you are probably really excited about my announcement last month of the roll out of new chapters in a new book called "Aftershocks."  Maybe not a lot of you.  I mean, right now only three people follow this blog.  But if only one of you was excited, that may not seem like a lot, but if you think about it, that means that one-third of my blog followers are excited about the news.  And that just spins better in a press release.  Yeah, like I'm going to have a press release.  I did post this announcement to Facebook and I know I have quite a few "likes" there, but hopefully this won't make you "unlike" me.  Or "dislike" me.  Whatever.  And, hey, if you don't "like" me on Facebook, please do!  And follow me on Twitter.  I don't ramble nearly as much.

Anyway, in my extremely well-produced video announcement, I said that I would be releasing new chapters of my next book, "Aftershocks," beginning in January.  Well, that's not gonna happen.  One, because I'm still working on finishing the "Apparition" trilogy and I can't devote as much time to it as I'd like.  Two, because there's a movie coming out with the same name and same basic premise.  I'd hate for them to think I'm ripping them off.  Granted, I would have done it better, but they did it first.

So, I will be releasing new chapters of an even different book, tentatively called "Lockdown."  Those chapters won't be coming until later this year when I have the "Apparition" trilogy pretty much in the can.

It'll be worth the wait.  Trust me.  Have I ever lead you on before?  Don't answer that.